Now, you need to understand. I don't believe prayer is some type of tool in which we manipulate a god to do what we want to him or her to do. If you hear me say, "I pray" and you immediately have an image in your mind of some arrogant overly spiritual types bossing God around, I apologize. Count me out. It's not my style. You may catch more of my concept of prayer from my blog entry yesterday. In the words of Albert Einstein, "I want to know God's thoughts, the rest is just details."
I've wanted God to help me keep my heart and my mind in the right place. I've wanted to be able to interact with others with love and wisdom. I've wanted peace in my heart to stay present in the moment, when the moment wants to pull me into anxiety and frustration. I've wanted joy to be a present reality in my true self because I've known the words of Nehemiah are simply true that, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." To me that is prayer and today prayer was as essential as breathing.
I needed strength when time was not on my side, when my nerves were counting seconds that were turning into hours. I could literally feel the opportunity of bringing Tracy home with us tomorrow slipping out of my grasp. I felt so much weight of everyone's expectations, not least of which were mine, were crushing me. Yet, I only heard "No" or "Wait" all day long.
I waited from 11:30am until 6:30pm to finally be handed our "written ruling". This was the final document that I needed to complete Tracy's visa application. The only problem was that the embassy closed at 4:30pm. I was too late. Our consular was waiting for me and I sat and watched the clock tower on the courthouse pass by any hope of reaching the embassy. Sarah from the U.S. Embassy apologized and said we needed to change our plans. It wasn't going to work. The Ugandan High Court said come back next week. blah, blah, blah...It's all I heard all day, but I couldn't give up. I didn't know how. I just couldn't give up.
So, where do we stand now? I talked the Embassy into opening a bit "early" for us tomorrow. Originally, it was one of the consular's idea, but she had since jettisoned it for good reason. Somehow, she recommitted to meeting me at 7am where I will hand over the written ruling and she will process the rest of Tracy's visa. If they grant her that visa then we will have a mad dash to Entebbe Intl. Airport. We are already checked in and have our seat assignments.
For us to arrive 2 hours early for an international flight we will need to depart the U.S. Embassy 5 minutes after we get there! You get the picture? It's going to be tight...really tight. But why shouldn't the last day of this journey be like all of the rest? Insane and full of surprises! I'm mentally exhausted and I need to go pack, but there is one thing I know.
There is one excited little girl putting her few things in her back pack and I think she is going to have a mighty hard time sleeping tonight.